Handfuls of Purpose--by Misi Stonecipher

I love the movie About a Boy. Perhaps it is because the film is largely formulaic: protagonist at war with the world gets everything wrong, but all comes to a satisfying end. The main character, Will Freeman, is a slacker who is quite proud of having never accomplished anything or being connected to anyone. He is actually a bit of a rake, and he is content with a life where relationship of any kind is largely marginalized. There is a great scene in which one of the women takes him to task concerning his lifestyle. She challenges him saying: You will end up childless and alone.” To which Will replies, “Well, fingers crossed, yeah.”

Enter the lonely geeky boy, Marcus, and enter relationship. How I love how Will resists it. Everything in him resists letting the young boy in desperate need of a friend, a male role model, become part of his life. This relationship serves them both, but for Will it is an awkward progression. He admits in the voice over, “I was in some strange territory. Was I frightened? I was petrified.”

Maybe the real reason I love the movie is because Will reminds me of me. In his isolation he protects himself, but his life lacks any purpose.

And this is the revelation that is breaking open my life this year. It is only through relationship that I find my life’s purpose. There is something that allows me to move beyond who I am when I connect my lives to others, when I let others sit a little closer.

Just recently I was given a very lovely moment - one I will always cherish. A few of my friends were helping me move into my new apartment, and we were taking a break sitting in the midst of the confusion. One of my friends reached over to the bookshelf and pulled off my copy of The Little Prince, one of his favorite books. He said, “Let me tell you what I think is the meaning of relationship.” And he began to read in a comforting but authoritative voice of one who is sure he is sharing truth.

One only understands the things that one tames,"
said the fox.
“Men have no more time to understand anything.
They buy things all ready made at the shops.
But there is no shop anywhere
where one can buy friendship,
and so men have no friends any more.
If you want a friend, tame me. . ."

"What must I do, to tame you?
asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox.
First you will sit down
at a little distance from me
-like that-in the grass.
I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye,
and you will say nothing.
Words are the source of misunderstandings.
But you will sit a little closer to me,
every day..."

Although my friend assured us that we were missing subtle nuances because we could not read it in the French, even in English the passage struck me. I certainly hadn’t expected truth to come in on Sunday afternoon when I was simply trying to move into my new place. But for me it hung there in the air. Like all great literature the story proved to be a mirror in which I could recognize myself. The surprising bit was I realized I was much like the fox. At no small surprise to myself I said, “I am ready to be tamed.”

This of course provoked a discussion in which my friend, the reader, countered that maybe there were those who could not be tamed. With the conviction of the newly converted I said, “I don’t believe that.”

He asked, “You really think it is a choice?”

And I said, smiling a bit to myself, “It absolutely is.”

I smiled because in those few minutes surrounded by furniture and boxes I had realized so much about myself: I am ready to let people sit a little closer. Only in letting others come a little closer had that moment even had its conception. It is only when we let people sit closer to us a little more everyday that we become tame, and by extension, we find our purpose.

But it is a choice.

My major prayer theme for this year is that I will have “handfuls of purpose.” This is a lovely phrase from the King James that my pastor has kept alive for me. It speaks of Boaz’s edict that Ruth should be left “handfuls of purpose” as she gathered in his fields, referring to the barley she was gathering. How I have been looking for purpose in my life. I have tried in the past to gather purpose and hold it tightly to me, but more often than not it feels like an exercise in futility. It feels as if I am trying to carry water in my bare hands, like when I was a kid on the beach, and I would try to run from the water’s edge back to my sand castle before all the water ran out. I never quite made it back to the castle.

In answering my prayer for “handfuls of purpose”, the challenge for me this year has been two fold. First, the Lord has shown me how vital relationship is. He has made the connection for me. With relationship new doors are opened, new opportunities presented; new authority and new provision are bequeathed. Different types of relationship bring with them different types of purpose.

How marginalized the story of Ruth has become. It is not merely romance. It is a story of redemption – redeeming a life through relationship. And Ruth is simply a story of choice. The choice to abandon all she had known before to join with a foreigner in a new land and embrace a new family. There it is, the choice of relationship. And here God gets me. When we deal with other people and let them close things can get so emotional and messy. Here is where I struggle with my own About a Boy tendencies; this is strange territory, and I am petrified. But God challenges me to stay in that place because quite frankly I am tired of trying to carry water in my bare hands.

In the company that I keep I am encouraged, inspired, provoked and loved. In this manner “handfuls of purpose” moves outside the realm of flowery King James verse to where I live. My handfuls of purpose come by accountability, laughter over silly things, someone holding me as I cry over a broken heart. There is purpose because I am reminded through the actions of others of what God thinks and feels about me. My friends speak to the potential that is in me and reminds me of the promises when I cannot believe for myself. Handfuls of purpose can be simply the belief in the potential that strains inside of us. There is power in numbers. Just like Joe Cocker said in the song, “I get by with a little help from my friends.”

But the awesome truth is in right relationship we do more than just get by. We excel; we have the potential to blow the curve.

The second challenge for me has to do with what God says is my “Purpose” right now. These last years have been a struggle for me, at times warring with the Lord. I want to be off doing something other than what I am doing. So often when I join with my international group of friends I usually end up crying and confessing I feel unworthy to be in their company. And my great Irish friend, who always speaks to the heart of matters, said to me during our most recent visit “When are you going to get a new record? We’ve heard this one before. We hear it every time we see you.”

Maybe it was the Irish accent, but that truth cloaked in a bit of humor motivated me to figure out where all these feeling of worthlessness where coming from. Truth be told I have always wanted to be a Rock Star. Center stage, the limelight, jetting off to Africa to care for the poor, lobbying for change with heads of state. Something that is more glamorous than what I actually do. When I am with my friends from around the globe and I hear of them helping the tsunami victims in India or feeding the poor in the Dominican Republic I get a bit testy with the Lord and remind him that is all I have wanted to do since I was 18 years old. I have wanted to be Jesus for the poor and hungry.

But just recently as I was with my group of friends, and I watched as one of them rocked her new baby girl, the Father challenged my thinking. The illuminating thought came to me that there are intersections in our lives when our primary purpose is to be in relationship. It is all part of the dual nature of relationship. Not only do I receive handfuls of purpose, but just being in relationship I can offer to someone else handfuls of purpose. It is through the shared experience that people are encouraged in their giftings, reminded of their promise. And for me in this season, my purpose comes down to that. It isn’t high profile, and I am out of the spotlight. I am not running off to save the world, but I am helping the kingdom to come to earth one person at a time.

The book of Ruth is all about choosing to let others sit closer and choosing to sit closer. Ruth joins a new tribe, embraces a new God and gains a new identity. It is a romance yes, but it is a romance of redemption really. But it is grudgingly I link myself to Ruth. It is not the most glamorous of stories. More often than not I wish I were an Esther instead of a Ruth. Let’s face it: Esther got to save a nation, wear great clothes, and marry a king. She was the Rock Star.

But, Ruth was the great grandmother of King David, and we all know who came through that line. Sometimes it is through the most simple of human interaction that the kingdom comes to earth, and for me there can be no greater purpose.

While not teaching English literature on the university level, Misi Stonecipher manages the historic Jupiter lighthouse and currently resides in Florida. She regularly contributes handfuls of purpose to Emissary gatherings on both sides of the Atlantic.

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[Jen]

Misi
"Such is friendship that through it we love places and seasons far as bright bodies emit rays to a distance, and flowers drop their sweet leaves on the ground around them, so friends impart favor even to the places where they dwell. With friends even poverty is pleasant. Words cannot express the joy which a friend imparts; they only can know who have experienced. A friend is dearer than the light of heaven, for it would be better for us that the sun were exhausted than that we should be without friends." (St. John Chrysostom)

Know that I am sitting close and longing to sit closer.

Your Friend & Fan
Jen

[Richard]

Misi,

Thank you so much for the handfuls of purpose you have given to me.

Richard

[Lisa Treacy]

May word - isn't God amazing! That he would allow me to know Misi!!!!

One indeed should never trust a man [or woman] without a limp. And as for About A Boy - its amazing that through us being someone else's refuge and rescuer, we get rescued ourselves - cool!

This is a great piece of literature Misi, you're a very gifted writer, and you prove without a doubt that the pen is mighter than the sword. Or as Richard and I often say The Towel [when we wash each others feet] is mightier than the sword!

Love LisaXX

[Michelle Hildreth]

Misi,

What courage and eloquence! In sharing your heart you've opened a door for others to share theirs. You've erected a bridge, which, I pray for you and others will be well traveled for the glory of God!

Michelle Hildreth, Thomasville, GA

[Olga]

Misi, your honesty has touched my heart. I would love to be able to sit closer to you :)
I agree it is all about relationship. One thing the Lord has tought me is that HE desires for us to have a close relationship with Him. He yearns for us to spend time with Him and desire Him as much as He desires us. This enables us to open ourselves up to others and not fear being hurt or rejected. We are His feet and hands, He touches others through us. When we make ourselves vulnerable He can use us in greater ways. And when the time is right He can make you that Rock Star you desire to be.

[Jonathan]

Love the article Misi--especially because I'm a fan of both About A Boy and Le Petit Prince.

Just finished chapter 2 in Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. This is what he has to say about our limp (I had a "God moment" when I read it):

(begin quote) The rabbis have a metaphor for this wrestling with the (Biblical) text: The story of Jacob wrestling the angel in Genesis 32. He struggles, and it is exhausting and tiring, and in the end his hip is injured. It hurts. And he walks away limping. Because when you wrestle with the text, you walk away limping. And some people have no limp, because they haven't wrestled. But the ones limping have had an experience with the living God. (end quote)

I want to hang out with those who limp.

[Carl]

Wow Missi,

Your honesty scares me (in the best way) and is a shining example of the right kind of relationship we should all have with God.

I remember my grandfather once told me, only trust a person with a limp - the limp obviously coming from a period of wrestling with God.

Keep going my friend, the world is a much better place with you in it, and amongst all of us - being you.

Blessings

Carl.